Screenwriting - Week 4

05/03/2019

What makes a great story
This list is good as template for forming a story together

• Some kind of goal
• Audience to care
• Logic
• Some kind of character change/growth
• Conflict
• Reincorporation
• Dilemma
• Resolution
• Simplicity (simple enough for audiences to follow)

Notes

• As an audience, we're all aiming or hoping for a satisfying resolution
• Conflict is connected to dilemma
• Authenticity (believable) is connected to Logic
• Theme is a message that the filmmakers is trying to get across to the audiences through the film e.g. Animal Farm - communism, corruption
• The most basic form of character change / growth is the emotions felt by the character at the end, compared to the beginning. In other words, they are somehow effected by the events of the film's story
• In my view, Logic in one version of the watch story is that the girl is home alone because perhaps her parents trust her enough to do so (to be on her own), and possibly mature enough in their eyes.
• A plot hole in this particular version of the watch story is that the rugged man doesn't come back, it leaves us thinking 'What if he eventually does come back?' Then again, stories don't always have to have endings that end in a nice, tidy bow.
• Duncan told me my version of the watch story had great simplicity and made the audience care, but it had limited. I was definitely aiming for simplicity and Duncan assured me that the story's short length wasn't a flaw or weakness.
• We don't make a story that reads like a technical document 

My version of the story

Once upon a time, there was a girl called Jane. She is 12 years old and was on the street, playing and having fun. Her friends are not around, they are somewhere else, maybe they are with their mums and dads. Jane sees something in the gutter, she sees a watch, it looks pretty. Jane wants it, she reaches for it and takes it. She runs back home with the watch. Jane has to hide it and she does, she puts it in a drawer in her room, but she is worried she will get in trouble with her mum and dad. Jane has to keep the watch secret from them.

Jane goes to a park to see her friends, she is now hiding the watch in her schoolbag. Jane arrives at the park and wears the watch. A bad man is looking for the watch and sees Jane from across the street. Jane shows the watch to her friends, who are so jealous and think it’s the coolest thing they had ever seen. The bad man comes to them and scares Jane and her friends, they try to run away. The bad man grabs Jane’s hand. He wants the watch, it’s his watch. Jane wants the bad man to go away. There’s no way a bad man like him would have a watch that awesome. 

A nice, old lady comes and tells the bad man to leave Jane alone. The old lady sees the watch on Jane. The old lady asks if there’s a scratch on the back of the watch. If it is, it must be the old lady’s watch. Jane looks and finds the scratch on the back of the watch. The bad man is angry, but the old lady says she will call the police if he’s doesn’t go away. The bad man runs off and the old lady forgives Jane. She invites Jane to come to her house for some biscuits and so they leave to go to the lady’s house with a smile on Jane’s face. 

The End.

 


Caleb's version

• Caleb's version of the watch story had a good use of reincorporation , red herring, internal conflict / dilemma, and the audience to care.
• Red herring (Caleb's story) - It made us believe that the watch was really the old lady's watch.
• Internal conflict (Caleb's story) - Whether to give the watch back at the last minute
• Reincorporation (Caleb's story) - A detail, the name on the back of the watch, which was revealed in the story is later important at the end.
• Audience to care (Caleb's story) - Use of guilt in the character
• Authenticity (Caleb's story) - 100 pounds. It's a detail that hints at the story being set in England because that is the British currency. If it was dollars, it would make that detail vague and leave the possibility that the story could be set in America, Australia, or New Zealand.

Oisin's version

• Audience to care - drama, guilt, and embarrassment (applies authenticity because running away would naturally be a child's response to this situation), and troubled home (loud home)
• Symbolism - Watch symbolising escape, which was what Oisin intended

Note

• I can try and add more detail in my stories in the future. That's what I got from today's class

At the end, we were encouraged to write our screenwriting project in story form similar to what we did with the watch story. I did so, I was stuck on what to start the story with until I looked at my surroundings and saw a pen right next to my hand and thought, let's start the story with a pen. Perhaps I could use reincorporation later and make that pen in the story important later. I also used my recent dealings with depression as the basis and inspiration for my story. It developed into a good start that I didn't expect it to. 


Progress with my screenwriting project (story form)

I would had done more, but I put all my focus into my research proposal presentation, which was due the following week. 

‘Pens. Pens are so… I don’t know.’ A young man is in his bedroom, staring at some pens. The bedroom is messy, but he doesn’t seem to care. He looks depressed and rugged. He is in his mid-20’s and lives on his own. He goes on his usual morning routine. He puts some bread into the toaster. Once it pops, he quickly grabs it out and spreads margarine on it quickly too, which makes it melt into the toasted bread. He also spreads Vegemite onto the bread and then eats it over the kitchen bench. He goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth, as well as spray some deodorant on himself.

He feels pain his head, a pain that borders on both anxiety and depression. He doesn’t know what direction his life should go. She loudly sighs and hears his phone vibrate. He grabs it and it’s just another social media notification of some famous people he follows. He tries to ring his family many times, but they never answer. His family seem to have their own lives to worry about. He grabs a nice, cold water bottle from the fridge and places it into his backpack. He flings over the backpack and is now on his back. He grabs his earphones and plugs it into his phone. He is listening to music. The music is somehow slightly calming him. It’s helping him think clearly. He believes that he would probably be calm all the time if he was listening to music all day, but the real world doesn’t allow it. For some reason, he can’t stop thinking about pens. He finds himself back in his bedroom staring at them again. He decides to just take one of the pens with him. He feels as though the pen is a part of who he is. He must talk and interact with people on a daily basis, in order to cash money out for getting washing done, or to get his shopping done for the week.

He leaves his unit and walks down some stairs. A woman comes out and runs on the spot. She is getting for a run and then sees him. She is the same age as the young man. She greets him, he almost gets a fright, he didn’t see the woman, he was in his own little world listening to music. The young woman realises he got a fright and apologises, but the young man removes his headphones and insists there is no need to apologise. He asks her if she is on her usual run and she nods and tells him he should think about going to a gym or join in a run with her sometime. The young man has thought about joining a gym, but he feels shy, overwhelmed, and doesn’t where to start. The young woman halts the young man telling him there’s no shame in being alone. She has a spare room in her room if he wants it. The young woman believes no one should be alone like him and be miserable all the time. There should be someone there for the young man. The young man hesitates, he is uncertain. Is it some trick to get in a relationship with her? To have relations at night? He knows if he does, he can’t move back to his old place because someone would had taken it by then. He would trapped.